Local Flavor or Culture Shock?

Oh my gosh! I'm writing about editing for a second week in a row. I can't explain it. I suppose I just felt the need. Anyhow...

I talk to my clients quite a bit about "vernacular." Basically, what that means is the way locals speak in their day-to-day lives. It's the less formal, regional speech.

As writers and/or editors, we need to be careful of how much local flavor we inject into our stories or we risk alienating readers. Let's face it; if a reader doesn't "get" what a writer is saying, all may be lost.

If you read last week's post, you already know that a writer with whom I work once (okay, maybe more than once) received a review that demanded I be fired for the numerous spelling errors in his book. You also know that the same book was written in the Queen's English, not American English, because the writer is British. Situations like this, I can not, and will not, change. I believe if an author is a Brit, then he should write like a Brit. Besides, the writer in question is fairly successful and becoming more popular. If it ain't broke, don't fix it, right?

However, there are times when too much is simply too much. Especially (but not exclusively) with American writers. You see, this nation is so large that regional dialect can be as difficult to understand as when one moves between nations in Europe. Our ears must become accustomed to dialect, and even varying expressions, before we can fully understand our neighbors.

For an over-the-top example of local dialect, try reading Lady Chatterley's Lover by D. H. Lawrence. Lawrence, in my opinion as both a reader and an editor, seriously overused the less educated accent in Oliver Mellors speech. I found the dialogue quite difficult to read. So much so that twenty years later, I still hold it out as a bad example. (I'll save Lawrence's misogynistic views for another time.)

We need to be aware that not everyone will understand our own vernacular and that we should inject it into our stories with some restraint. If your story takes place where you've lived your entire life, you will fully understand all of it, right? But think about the visitor to your home.

I'll give you some examples:

• In New England we call a particular dish "Chinese Pie," but most of the rest of the world calls it "Shepherd's Pie."
• "Goulash" or "Macaroni and Beef," in most of the country, is "American Chop Suey" where I come from.
• Order a "Sub/Submarine Sandwich," or a "Hoagie," or a "Grinder," and you'll get the same thing in various parts of the country.
• Do you know the difference between a "Shake" and a "Frappe"? There is none, except location.
• And let's go across the pond for a cup of "Rosie Lee," then return to the States for a cup of tea.

Although food choices are the easiest to spot, they do not hold an exclusive, for instance:

• In Oklahoma City, "Putting your boots on in the street" means you're rushing out of the house or on your way to your destination. In Boston, it means you're homeless.
• In Pittsburgh, something that "needs fixed" is broken and needs to be fixed.
• Most of the American South is "fixing to" do something, but the rest of the country is just getting ready to do it.

My point is that local flavor is a beautiful thing, but too much of a good thing will give your readers a belly ache.

Happy Writing!

What's Cookin'?

The short answer to that one is, "Nothin'."

When I moved in here, the kitchen was dirty, dark, and difficult to work in. Now it's bright, airy and impossible to work in. My landlady has absolutely no concept of what makes a kitchen workable. She insisted on beginning a kitchen renovation she knew she would have to stop in the middle. Therefore, I currently have zero counter space.

When I say zero, I'm not exaggerating; all of my counters are gone, along with nearly all of my cabinets. My toaster and coffee maker are currently sitting on top of the stove. I've eaten little beyond raw foods for weeks.

But I'm not here to whine. In fact, it's just as well that I have no space in which I can experiment with new recipes because I've been working my tail off to help churn out several new books. So lets take a quick peek at what's new and on its way to tickle your Kindle, shall we?

Currently Available:

Far From Home 8: Warrior -- The eighth installment of Tony Healey's Far From Home serial takes us to the two thirds mark with some unexpected discoveries. It's definitely a piece you won't want to miss.

More Than a Maid -- The last, and longest, installment of the Barboza Brothers trilogy by Reeni Austin answers all the questions thousands of readers have been asking, but don't think we're done with this family yet.

Coming Soon:

The Girl from Tenerife -- A beautiful story about love, passion, and friendship as well as a haunting tribute and a challenge to the older generation of writers who influenced the author and his love of the craft. THIS is Bernard Schaffer's best work to date.

The Manifesto of Independent Writing and Publishing -- The second book by author Bernard Schaffer being released on the Dia de los Toros. This one is a manual meant to help the next generation of independent authors avoid the pitfalls that held Schaffer up as a newbie. If you're thinking of self-publishing, you need this book.

Both of those titles, plus a super-secret (that just means he hasn't shown off the cover or announced the title yet) children's book Bernard has written for his daughter, will be released on the same day.

PLUS, I'm finishing the final edit on a fan fiction piece by Joshua Unruh that may or may not be found in a larger anthology (that's still undecided), but it will be everywhere soon. Josh is also plotting a sequel to Downfall, the five-star debut in his Myth Reaver series.

Still in Development:

Here's the part where I get to be a bit sneaky and maybe show off a little . . .

From Reeni Austin -- More steamy deliciousness involving some peripheral characters from the Barboza Brothers series.

From Shaina Richmond -- More from the world of Tyler and Suzie.

From Tony Healey -- The final four installments of the Far From Home series and about ten other projects guaranteed to keep me busy for the next year.

From Bernard Schaffer -- Hellifino. He doesn't tell me anything because he enjoys teasing me as much as his readers.

And That's Not All:

I'm still in the midst of editing novels by newcomers Michael Tognetti and M. L. Adams. I've also been in contact with several authors who are looking to line me up for their second in series. And maybe one or two completely new projects coming out of the ether.

I will also be finishing my latest crochet project book and beta reading a couple of pieces for my dear friend Joshua Unruh, but without his permission, I don't even want to tease you with any details.

Yep, I'm already looking at 2014 and thinking, "How am I going to get this all done?" But then I look back and see what I've finished so far this year and I think. "I got this."

Happy Reading!

Are You Done Yet?-OR-Why I Don't Read Queries

Carnival of Cryptids
is currently available on Amazon for $2.99.
All proceeds benefit the
National Center for Missing and Exploited Children

I've upset more than one writer lately with the statement, "I don't read queries." Therefore, I thought I would explain my position. First, I should explain my own definition of what a query is and my own definition of what my job is.

Traditionally, a writer will complete the first five chapters, or a full outline, of a novel. They will send it, along with their resume or bibliography and a query letter, to literary agents and/or publishers. That's where it sits until it is (maybe) read by an agent or an acquisitions editor. If the reader decides the idea has merit and may be sales worthy, it begins the slow trek through the meat grinder that is the traditional publishing industry.

Far too often for my taste, I am mistaken for that type of editor. One who will tell you whether your manuscript is worth writing before you even write it. Far from it. I actually edit your work. I aid you in taking it from a polished manuscript to a finished novel. Therefore, I have no interest in seeing a query asking me whether it's worth finishing. If you are unsure whether your work is worth finishing, the answer is a very loud, "NO." If you are iffy or unsure about any of your writing, you are not ready to be an author. You need to man-up and grow a thick skin. Own your work and stick to it. Learn how to take criticism for what it is: one person's opinion; and then learn whether to change based on that criticism or press forward in the direction you've already chosen.

THAT, my friends, is when a writer is ready for my type of editing.

Still, I receive incomplete, timid, queries from writers who may or may not know they aren't ready yet. They want validation. They want someone to tell them that they're good enough before they finish writing their novel because they don't want to waste all that time writing it only to find out it sucks.

If you're that needy that you must be told you don't suck before you've even shown what you are capable of, then the answer is clear: you suck.

Now I've never read your manuscript or partial manuscript, but if you don't believe in yourself, then me telling you that you don't suck is not going to do you any good. Here's the scenario:

A writer sent me his first two chapters last May. He told me his intent was to get started with his editing some time in July or early August. Based on his sample and word count, I quoted him a price and made sure I would have time to work his piece when he sent it. I also followed up a few weeks later only to find out he hadn't written a word since he contacted me initially. My "validation" had made him so nervous he couldn't write. He was afraid that he couldn't live up to the praise I'd given him.

It could have gone the opposite as well. I could have hated it and told him so and he might never have written again just because one person disliked his style or didn't think he had what it takes to be a writer. Well, maybe that first manuscript doesn't have a ton of merit, but you learn from it, and you hone your craft, and you write a second manuscript, and a third, and you still don't edit or publish any of them because you know in your heart you're not ready. But that fourth manuscript ... that's the gem. Having someone else tell you the first one is terrible and then not writing anything after that without even trying is the biggest disservice you can do yourself and you are definitely not cut out to be a writer because you don't have the stick-to-it necessary to get you or your writing anywhere. Here's another one: 

A writer contacted me in late September. She wanted to know my rates and whether I was available. I told her the earliest I'd be able to take in a manuscript from her was possibly November. I suggested she take a look at my website and send me the information I needed and I would get back to her. She said she wasn't ready yet but she'd already made up her mind about wanting to work with me and would contact me when she was. Meanwhile, I could find her work on Amazon. Then nothing. [I'll stop the story here to tell you that I don't check out a writer's work on Amazon. I want to see a sample of what we'll be working on, not what you've already edited and published.] 

She contacted me again some time in November and asked if I was ready for her. Huh? I told her she needed to send me the information I asked for and make sure her manuscript was ready and maybe I'd be able to fit her into my schedule after the Holidays if I thought we could work together, but I wasn't making any guarantees until I'd seen her work. She said she'd be in touch soon, when she was ready. 

Around mid-January she contacted me again. She told me she was putting the final touches on the piece she wanted me to edit and was I available? Again I asked for the information on my website and explained that I was crazy busy and maybe could squeeze in a first edit around the 7th of February because another author I work with regularly was running behind. She told me to "pencil her in." I explained that only a select few authors with whom I work get "penciled in," and that's only because I know their work so well that I can often squeeze in their edits in mere hours rather than days. I explained (three times before she finally got it) that I still hadn't seen her work and would NOT give her an estimate until I had done so, and I needed to know that her manuscript was DONE before I would even look at a sample. 

She told me she would get me all the information and finish within the next day or so. 

As it turned out, I found myself overbooked by my regular clients by the 7th of February. I was also pretty ill and still struggling to keep ahead of the pace (a losing battle--I finally had to force myself to take some time off). Meanwhile, we are now nearing the end of February and I still don't have her sample, her information, or a finished manuscript from her.

Now you may argue that if I had "penciled her in" I would not have ended up overbooked, but I know full well that it's my nature to accept more work than I have time for, so I always make sure I can finish by an author's target date even if I can't finish by mine. So when I say I'm overbooked, it means I can't finish a project by the day I want to finish, not necessarily by the day it's due. I currently have one project that's truly behind (from my end -- I have plenty of projects behind from the writers with whom I work, but that's the business), and the author knows why, and he and I are working together.

So, if you are a writer, and I have ever insulted you by telling you I don't read queries, or to take a look at my website, perhaps you should check out my website and find out what it is I actually do.

Happy Writing!