Smut and Stephen King

Well, it's here. The anthology of smut that I've been promising is finally live on Amazon AND I have a promotion to go with it. If you're confused by the title you see on the book cover, I'll clear that up in a minute. Be warned; these stories are not intended for anyone under the age of 18.

First, the Promotion:

I released my short story, "Fear of the Dark," about six weeks ago as a preview to this anthology. Well, Sunday and Monday, June 17 and 18, "Fear of the Dark" is free on Amazon so you can get a little taste. Strange Kisses, the anthology that includes "Fear of the Dark," is now live on Amazon and selling for $2.99. So grab the single if you want to test the waters, then dive into the four-piece anthology.

Next, Change in Cover and Title:

this one didn't make the cut but will
 be used for a different collection

My original intent was to assemble a group of very dark, genre-oriented, erotic tales. The problem was they just didn't come together as quickly as I hoped they would. However, another set of stories that I had been playing with (in my head) for a while pulled together and nearly wrote itself. I suppose the stories decided it was time. So the original title, Eros and Thanatos no longer fit.

The Stephen King Connection:

I had been having this back and forth, via email, with a friend. I convinced him that he needed to read Skeleton Crew, the first Stephen King book I ever read. Because I loved it. I had forgotten how much I loved it until one night when that friend sent me an email that began with, "Wait - just a few minutes. I want to talk to you... and then I am going to kiss you. Wait..." You see, so many people want to pigeonhole Stephen King as a horror writer, but his versatility is amazing. AND I'm convinced he's a hopeless romantic hiding behind a pair of thick glasses and a stack of scary novels.

My favorite Stephen King quote is "...a short story is like a quick kiss in the dark from a stranger." THAT, my friends, is where I got the title for this collection.

A couple of friends have graciously allowed me to take over their blogs for the weekend. You'll find a Q & A-type article over at my pal Matt Posner's blog. You may remember him as the Vampire Poet from April's poetry slam. And Tony Healey over at his website asked me to write a short article about the stories behind the stories that make up Strange Kisses.

If I may, I'd like to offer you one last Stephen King quote, also from the introduction to Skeleton Crew:  "...if I should kiss you in the dark, it’s no big deal; it’s only because you are my love."

Happy Reading!

This Salvador Dali Life

Wasn't that a song, or a line in a song, or something? It most likely had something to do with Bananarama. UGH! I can't stand Bananarama. Tell you what. Anybody out there who can figure out why in the world I've got this short piece of music with those lyrics in my head right now gets a free pdf proof of my new crochet book. Post the answer in the comments below.

Now to the real reason we're gathered together today:  Do you remember how, back in March, I promised you big news about this crochet book I had written and it would be out "any day now?" Yeah, well any day ended up taking three months.

See? Sometimes the Real World gets in the way. My graphic designer, Glendon Haddix of Streetlight Graphics, and I have both had this bizarre spring which has caused one delay after another through this whole process. But the important thing is it's now done. The book is complete. The file is uploaded. And it went live on Amazon Saturday morning. So... that means I'M IN PRINT Y'ALL!!!!!!

The print edition of Quick Crochet for Kitchen and Bath is now live. You may now order a print copy via Amazon.com for $14.99 which is actually a huge savings over the previous price I charged in my Etsy shop for all the patterns in the book. Hit the link in the upper left area of this page to take you there.

Oh, by the way, the Kindle edition is coming "any day now." Hahahahahahaha!

So why the Salvador Dali reference? Because It all just seems surreal. In the past year, I've helped produce about a dozen books, not including my own. Before I even hit the one year mark of working with the Kindle All-Stars, I will have published at least three of my own books. I'm almost at that point as a freelance fiction editor that I won't need a regular job. Thank goodness. I'd hate to have to go back to retail and if I'm going to work in an office, I want it to be with a publisher. So yeah, I'm living a Salvador Dali life. (Better Dali than Bosch, right?)

Happy Crocheting!

Teens, Sex, and Relationships

You've all heard me talk about the terrific writers of the Kindle All-Stars and I'd like you to meet another of them today. I first introduced you to my buddy Matt Posner (aka Cat's Pajamas) back in April via his poems "Vampire Poet" and "Famous Fathers." His work goes far beyond poetry and he's here again today as my guest. Teen Guide to Sex and Relationships is co-authored by Matt along with his writing Partner, Jess C. Scott. Matt was gracious enough to answer a few questions for me about the book and about Jess.

Teen Guide to Sex & Relationships
is now available on Amazon

LAURIE:   All of my readers know I love being a Bostonian, but I fraternize regularly with New Yorkers. Please assure me you're NOT a Jets fan and all will be just fine. (Feel free to lie if you must.)

MATT:  I don't care about the Jets at all. No one from Miami likes the Jets. I've been to Boston twice so far and consider it a great place to vacation. The whale-watching tours are cool. Julie and I also like to go over to Cambridge and shop at the Harvard Coop. There is no Boston/New York rivalry that I'm involved in. I'm from Miami originally.

LAURIE:  So what's in this book? Who's the target audience and what should they expect?

MATT:  This book is written for teenagers of both genders and all sexual preferences. They will find separate sections for questions and answers about sexuality and about relationship issues. Jess and I write separate answers to every question from our own distinct points of view. Jess is a cool young woman with a nonconformist view, and I'm an older teacher of conservative personal habits. Jess and I agree on all matters to do with young people's safety and happiness, but our advice isn't always the same, as we are from different generations. We explain topics about love, lust, and anatomy, and we talk about how to begin, maintain, and end relationships and how to recognize feelings for what they are. We also explain unfamiliar or partially understood terms and we shatter a lot of myths.

LAURIE:  Many advice books are written by only one author. Why two in this case?

MATT:  When I envisioned this book, I thought I should have a female to counterbalance my very male point of view. I know some things about the female heart and female anatomy, but a female should mentor a female just as a male should mentor a male. Also, readers would, I think, want to know what the other gender is thinking!  

LAURIE:  Why is your book different from other books on this subject?

MATT:  Our book is designed to read like a conversation with an older friend. We aren't therapists or doctors or social workers or theoreticians:  we're just people who've been around whom you can trust to be on your side and do their best to advise you. Like your older sister who just came back from college with fresh ideas, or your uncle who tells you what he thinks and doesn't judge you like your dad does. That kind of people.

LAURIE:  How was it to work with Jess C. Scott?

MATT:  We've turned out to be a good team. We rarely disagree, and if we ever have disagreed, we've settled it so cordially that neither of us could even be sure there was a disagreement at all! Jess is super prolific and works on many projects at a time; I also work on many projects at a time, and I write fast, too, when I'm actually writing; however, I don't write every day, so to keep up with her, I had to go on vacation! So I wrote about a third of my share of this book during a couple of days holed up in my house in North Carolina.

LAURIE:  How did you guys come together as a team?

MATT:  When I was new in the business, in November 2010, I saw her request for reviewers of Other Side of Life and answered on a whim. What a good decision! She proved to be very business-savvy and gave me some good advice to get me started. We kept in touch sort of in the background of having separate careers, but although I thought it would be nice to team up for a project, I didn't have one in mind, because she was working on Elven Trilogy (and still is) and I was and still am committed to School of the Ages. About a year and a half later, it finally occurred to me that my dormant Teen Guide project was the right collaboration. I suggested as much, and here we are now. We are talking about co-authoring several more projects.

LAURIE:  Thanks for appearing on my blog.

MATT:  No, Consigliera. THANK YOU.

Samples available online:

http://www.jessink.com/teenguide.htm

http://schooloftheages.webs.com/apps/blog/show/14770008-from-teen-guide-how-do-you-tell-the-difference-between-love-and-lust-

Your comments are welcome and I'm happy to forward any questions my readers may have to Jess or Matt.

Happy Reading!

Remember the Living

This is a weekend for remembering fallen soldiers, but beyond remembering them, there isn't a whole lot we can do. They're gone. We can't bring them back. So I thought I'd focus on what we can do. We can take care of the troops who are still with us, either still serving or retired. We can help their families cope with their absence. We can make a difference. So, as we remember the fallen, let us also remember the living.

I dug up a few charities that make a huge impact in small ways because sometimes those little things make the biggest difference.

General donations/care packages:

Operation USO Care Package sends care packages to service men and women all over the world. Your $25 donation pays for the items that go into the package.

Operation Gratitude sends care packages to troops overseas. A $15 donation pays for shipping.

Operation Shoebox sends care packages, but accepts donations of products that are sent to them. If you'd rather send items than a monetary donation, this is the one for you.

helmet liner without helmet courtesy
of Packages from Home website

Handmade items:

Warmth for Warriors sends hats and washcloths to active and retired troops. Simple hat patterns and further details are available on their site.

Soldiers' Angels - Blankets of Gratitude group sends knitted, crocheted, and hand-loomed blankets to veterans. (The open work of these items prevents them from being useful in a hospital setting.) Poke around their site for other types of blankets they send to active duty and wounded soldiers.

Packages from home uses hand knitted helmet liners in their care packages. Very specific instructions and a pattern are shown on their site.

How you can earn a free pattern:

If you decide to donate handmade items and would like to use one of my washcloth or hat patterns, leave a comment below with the pattern you intend to use. If you pledge to make two hats or three washcloths from the pattern of your choice, I will send you the pattern free of charge.

However, I want to see pictures! Perhaps I'll post them on Veteran's Day.

Namaste.

Put down Your Book and Pick up Your Hook

Haven't we had enough of reading around here for a little while? I think it's time to get our crochet on and I've found the perfect way to do it. A while back, Samantha emailed me and told me about these great towels she makes using a portion of my Big Girl Towel pattern. I can't remember how it all went down, but we basically decided that she should write up a tutorial that we could each post on our blogs. I think you'll agree with me that the towel and the yarn colors she used for her example are awesome. (I love pink.) Anyhow, please welcome Samantha and her rockin' kitchen  towels.

Hi Everyone!!

I have been asked a few times how I make my Kitchen Towel Toppers:

The crocheted top I use is fashioned after top of Laurie’s hanging kitchen towel patterns (I have most of them), so I asked her if she minded if I created a tutorial and I use her pattern for reference.  Her idea was for me to do this guest post and I happily agreed.

I have made these using worsted weight yarn and dk weight yarn.  I think you could easily adapt it for other weights as well.

Materials needed to start:

·         Yarn
·         Scissors
·         Towel
·         Needle (I use a tapestry needle, but that means I need a thimble to push it through sometimes)

First thing you need to do is cut the towel in half.  You really only need one half of the towel and on the plus side you get more for your money!

I don’t really worry about this being perfectly straight because in the end it is going to be somewhat gathered.

After the cut is made, thread your needle with a long piece of yarn.  I now make mine really long because one time I made it too short and had to redo it and that was not fun.

Next you want to fold down the top of the towel like so:

Folding the towel down like this makes it so you don’t have any raw edge exposed.

Next we want to put the needle through so that the knot is on the edge in the back.

Then we want to start doing the blanket stitch (youtubetutorial found here) across the top of the towel.  Make sure to continue to fold the very top down so the cut edge is not exposed.  You can pin this edge if you want to make it easier for you.

Here’s how mine looks from the back with the top folded down.

Once you have gone all the way across make sure you knot it in the back.

We are going to put one sc in each blanket stitch, so make sure to keep the stitches fairly close together.  Although the thicker the yarn you use the farther apart the stitches can be.  I am using dk yarn in this example.

Now you can start doing sc across the blanket stitch.  I use a larger hook than recommended for the yarn with these, but it is all what you are comfortable with.

Now once you get to the end just chain one and do a few more sc rows.  For worsted weight I tend to do 4 rows, but for this example in dk I did 5 rows.

If it starts to pull in a little that is okay.  We are going to start gathering it and decreasing anyway.

This is where I start to use Laurie’s pattern (Free Big Girl Kitchen Towel).  We want to sc dec

(A sc dec is insert hook into both loops of first stitch being worked, yo, pull up a loop, insert hook into both loops of next stitch, yo, pull up a loop, yo, draw through all 3 loops on hook)

over the next few rows to get down to 6 stitches.  Now this all depends on how many stitches you have.  In this example I have 54 stitches. 

So first row I just do sc dec all the way across and I end up with 27 stitches.

Next I sc dec 7 times, 1 sc, sc dec 6 times to get to 14 stitches.

Then I did sc dec 2 twice, dec over 3 stitches twice, then sc dec twice to get down to 6 stitches.

(dec over 3 stitches is insert hook into both loops of first stitch being worked, yo, pull up a loop, insert hook into both loops of next stitch, yo, pull up a loop, insert hook into both loops of next stitch, yo, pull up a loop, yo, draw through all 4 loops on hook)

Once down to 6 stitches, chain one and sc across.

Continue making the 6 stitch rows

I did about 20 rows.

Next, once it is long enough you will do the row that will become your button hole. 

From Laurie’s pattern:

Note:  Before proceeding, you may wish to fit your hanging loop to the place where you'd like it to hang.  If worked as instructed it will fit the average drawer pull or oven door handle.  If you need to add length simply continue repeating Row 64 as necessary.
Row 82:  ch3 (counts as dc), trc in next st, dtrc in next 2 sts, trc in next st, dc in next st, turn (6 sts)
Note:  The space between the two dtrc is your buttonhole.

Next you want to chain one and sc in the first two sts, two sc in each of the next two sts, and then sc in the last two sts, do not bind off.

Next, you want to sc down the side and stop right where you started the decreases.

Fasten off, then start on the other side where the decreases started.

Fasten off and weave in ends.

Sew on a button of your choice.

Sam, I can't thank you enough for dropping in to do this. I LOVE this idea and am going to have to make a couple for a friend this week.

By the way, folks, you can find Samantha's blog HERE.

Happy Crocheting!

Smut Sells?

Well yeah, supposedly smut sells faster than any other fiction category. So I wrote some. Here's the quick story behind the story:

Many thanks to my pal and fellow KAS
Tony Healey for this great cover design

A while back I got an email from my buddy Aaron. He wanted to know whether my contribution to the Kindle All-Stars Resistance Front anthology was actually the abridged, "clean version" of a longer erotica piece. What? ME? Write erotica? Are you crazy?

Sure, I've written plenty of erotica over the years, but never for an audience larger than one. Specifically, one person (at a time) whose interest I wanted to pique. I never dreamed of writing erotica for a consumer audience.

That set the wheels to turning. Suddenly I was full of ideas but short on time. So I've been working on what I fondly refer to as an anthology of smut. It's been slow going because editing projects, personal business, and other concerns that I may divulge in the coming months have taken precedence over my own writing.

The first piece, the teaser if you will, is the "naughty version" of "Fear of the Dark." It is currently available on Amazon for .99 and I'm pretty happy with the way it turned out. This is not for younger audiences by any means.

Here's the description from Amazon:

A woman steps off a bus into a blackout and must make her way home in the dark. What, or who, will she encounter when she gets there? The "clean version" of this psycho-sexual thriller was featured in the Resistance Front anthology. This new, extended version runs about 4000 words and is definitely NSFW.

And here are a few quotes from the reviews (all five stars):

"If you like your fiction extremely well-written, and a little saucy, then look no further."

"A quick, dirty, fun little read."

"Good writing is a pleasure to read, and for a psycho-sexual story like this one it's a must. Well done."

So snag "Fear of the Dark" and I'll let you know when the big antho is done.

Happy Reading!

Stranger Than Fiction

I have a difficult time saying no to people. Especially Kindle All-Stars people. So when David Hulegaard, my "brotha from anotha motha," sent me an email asking whether he could take over my blog for a day, how could I refuse him? David's latest book, Strangers has just been released and the KAS folks are all over it. Some acted as beta readers and Tony Healey designed the cover. What can I say? We're a fairly close-knit group. Anyhow, read what David has to say about his latest labor of love then pop over to his website to download a sample story from the collection.

Happy Reading!

Humanity can be ugly.

I toyed with several options for a tagline, but in the end, that's the one I felt represented my new book the closest. I didn't necessarily set out to write an uplifting collection of short stories when I started, but all cards on the table, Strangers took many twists and turns that even surprised me.

My original concept was pretty simple. In all my years of traveling, I had met some rather intriguing characters and amassed an impressive collection of too-crazy-to-be-true stories. At business dinners I was constantly being asked to entertain clients by sharing the latest and greatest of my experiences. Without fail, someone would say to me, "You have GOT to write a book of these stories!"

So at long last, that's what I've done. I sifted through years worth of my compiled notes and selected some of my favorites to share in this book. Some of the stories I experienced first-hand, and others were events retold to me by complete strangers as we traveled together. The things that people will tell you thinking that they'll never see you again would astound you.

Strangers contains eight twisted short stories and is available on Kindle now for $2.99. You can download "Chicago" for free here, but be warned... humanity can be ugly.